Yesterday, Rainbow dorm and I were saying we wanted to go to Hilo for shits and gigs so we could go to Taco Bell so we called Julian and asked him to take us and he actually said yes. I felt so horny, like I have been feeling for the past few weeks, and I couldn’t tell if he was into me or not since he was being more touchy-feely with Ginger. Maybe he assumed I was unavailable because I was with different guys. Anyways, I decided to amp up the flirting, and so I gave him more body language, hugged him differently, touched him more, and he began reciprocating. It seems I’m making boys meaningful again because when we were getting Baskin Robbins, he put his arm around me and held it there for a while and I got really excited. I followed thoughts that we’re all, He’s into me! He wants me! Then, when we came back to Cinderland, he asked if I wanted a massage and he gave me one and then I gave him one. After, he asked if he could lay down with me and kiss me, I got all excited. We made out and oh my God he was a great fucking kisser and I could already tell I’m going to love his cock. I’ve also been having fun with blunt flirting again. I love to catch people off guard.
Someone called me a whore for following my sexual desires with different men, a label I’ve been called since I was 16. I’ve been told I need to tone it down and be a good little girl (whatever that means), that I shouldn’t ‘sin’ otherwise Jesus won’t accept me into Heaven. Jesus only sees innocence and purity, no matter what you find yourself playing out on the surface.
Are you having fun as you observe yourself?
Are you exploring your wildest fantasies while releasing the tendency to idolize?
Are you holding your relationships/experiences lightly?
I have experienced both celibacy and promiscuity over and over again and I have come to see how both are meaningless. It’s the feeling behind everything you find yourself thinking/doing that has an impact, and why not have fun by agreeing with everyone? Everyone’s perception is 100% right for the sole reason that it’s a perception, not reality! In the meantime, let your hair down, celebrate and ride the ride!
