May 22, 2020:
Hope, Achaia, Leah and I went to visit Molly and a couple other girls on the other side of the island. I felt so safe and like myself around them—judgment free. Compared to the drive to Kona with Isaiah, it was completely different. I didn’t feel any pressure. I cuddled with Achaia in the backseat, never in my life thinking I’d be where I was and just basking in gratitude. The trip felt so fast, as if only 10 minutes went by, when really, it was almost 3 hours.
We stopped to eat burgers, and I felt like I confessed to Hope that I decided to be a sugar baby and after I asked, “Can I still be in a state of love even if I find myself being a sugar baby?”
She quickly affirmed, “Of course you can!”
She reminded me that asking that question was a distraction since I’m not really a doer.
When we arrived to Molly’s, the place reminded me so much of the scene of the movie “Wild” where Reese and the other woman are sitting on the balcony looking at the sunset. I felt so at peace and at home surrounded and basking in love. Then I played on my phone for 2+ hours doing stuff for sugar baby things and I felt comfortable mostly being on my phone instead of talking to people. I laid on the floor next to the girls, talking on the balcony. Achaia asleep in the background, me shopping for sexy dresses online, and I caught myself at peace and with a smile on my face as I found myself doing that. A totally different energy from the past. Hope turned around to tell me she loved me and checked in to see how I was doing, and I told her I felt grateful, safe, bubbly AND warm inside. I got this vibe of being at my old house, on the balcony with my family, slight chill in the air, mixed with humidity. Smiles, effortless smiles.
Hope, Achaia, Leah and I went to visit Molly and a couple other girls on the other side of the island. I felt so safe and like myself around them—judgment free. Compared to the drive to Kona with Isaiah, it was completely different. I didn’t feel any pressure. I cuddled with Achaia in the backseat, never in my life thinking I’d be where I was and just basking in gratitude. The trip felt so fast, as if only 10 minutes went by, when really, it was almost 3 hours.
We stopped to eat burgers, and I felt like I confessed to Hope that I decided to be a sugar baby and after I asked, “Can I still be in a state of love even if I find myself being a sugar baby?”
She quickly affirmed, “Of course you can!”
She reminded me that asking that question was a distraction since I’m not really a doer.
When we arrived to Molly’s, the place reminded me so much of the scene of the movie “Wild” where Reese and the other woman are sitting on the balcony looking at the sunset. I felt so at peace and at home surrounded and basking in love. Then I played on my phone for 2+ hours doing stuff for sugar baby things and I felt comfortable mostly being on my phone instead of talking to people. I laid on the floor next to the girls, talking on the balcony. Achaia asleep in the background, me shopping for sexy dresses online, and I caught myself at peace and with a smile on my face as I found myself doing that. A totally different energy from the past. Hope turned around to tell me she loved me and checked in to see how I was doing, and I told her I felt grateful, safe, bubbly AND warm inside. I got this vibe of being at my old house, on the balcony with my family, slight chill in the air, mixed with humidity. Smiles, effortless smiles.