April 30, 2020:
Isaiah and I were in the Holly a couple of days ago and it was right after Hope’s Wisdom Dialogues. I decided it was time to break up with him. I felt the vibe since before we left for Makalawena so I told him as we were eating spaghetti. He seemed to take it well at first but then he came to my bunk and told me he was packing because it was “too much” for him. I decided to go on a walk with him because he seemed really in his head so we walked to the mailboxes and we began talking. He told me he felt like running away, that he needed to just run from himself and go to the ocean. I was talking a lot about God and Spirit but he seemed to not be hearing me and so I dropped it and he told me that he feels like the highest form of love is when two people merge together. I saw that as a red flag. Regardless, I let him speak what was on his mind, but then he seemed to be really triggered and getting more and more upset the more unresponsive I appeared to be. I felt like he was trying to guilt trip me the whole time. In the end, I came home and cried on the way there. Only later did I realize that I definitely had the option to walk away the whole time rather than expecting to listen to his triggers.
The next day after that was taco Tuesday, and it felt pretty difficult to ignore one another. I was in my bunk feeling icky. I ended up dragging myself out to go say hi to Hope and Urbah and then I went to the kitchen, topless, stretching my body on the pole. I wanted Isaiah to watch me. All of a sudden, I wanted nothing more than to have sex with him. However, he literally had packed up his entire hale and was heading out to Maui or Alaska. He said he had to because he was so in love with me that it would tear him up inside if he saw me walking around every day.
He said, “You’re the only girl who would make me stay… And you’re the only girl who would make me leave.”
So yeah, my hormones went crazy because I felt like I couldn’t have him now, so I wanted him bad.
The next morning, I saw him because he said he wanted to talk. We went into his hale and had an eye gazing meditation for around 30 minutes. He has always stared so deeply into my eyes. It has helped me feel more comfortable, believe it or not. Now I feel like he’s my predator and I am his prey by the way we look at one another. It’s so sexy. After that eye gazing, we became like little kids. He thanked me for reminding him just by becoming still in myself.
“I love you,” he said, “no matter which direction you choose to take.”
I began to cry because that’s genuinely all I wanted. I appeared to make a drastic choice.
Vera teased, “You guys said those three words, he proposed to you, you got married, went on your honeymoon, got divorced, he moved out! All in one week!”
And I just don’t know what I’m doing. I just didn’t feel motivated to be with him, and him saying that he loved me even through that? Wow. Felt like that was me speaking to me.
So then yesterday he came over to offer me some steak, and he fed it to me while I stared into his eyes with uncontrollable, undeniable lust. He was caught off guard and knew I wanted him bad. We locked eyes super closely, and I could feel we both wanted to kiss. Our lips brushed slowly, and we began kissing intensely. I’ve never slobbered and drooled so intensely on anyone. I don’t remember what brought it on exactly, but we were making out on the edge of my bunk and I asked him to take me to the yoga studio. He said I read his mind. He carried me on his shoulder. I could feel we were both seeking attention because he was making excuses to walk through almost every camp until we reached the studio. He dropped me onto the massage table and I began kissing him like I wanted him right then in there. It was so passionate and powerful. I felt so turned on by him. We were both sweaty and feeling an afterglow. We ran into the shower and washed each other and laughed like little kids.
Later that night, I came back for more. We made love intensely with one candle in the background and howled to the moon… God, I love doing that… just acting like a wild animal. Afterwards, I begged him to pee on me. We were going to do it right in his hale, however he wanted to see me clearly, so he put his phone on the flashlight mode, and we went into the shower. I got down on my knees and flipped to doggy style as he was peeing on me and FUCKING DANE WALKED BY in the middle of it and just watched for like 20 seconds in disbelief of what he was seeing! I could not stop laughing because I was like THAT’S the WORST person who could have walked by because I knew he would tell everyone and the next morning, I found out he did. My nickname was now “Golden Girl” ha ha. I loved it, not gonna lie. It felt good to be open with my fetish. We actually played out the same exact thing today. We had loud sex in the yoga room and I felt really turned on because I knew there were around 20 people in Middle Earth listening. Then we went in the shower and he spanked me till my ass was bright red. Then he decided to put me on a leash and walk me around all of Cinderland. We would go around and he would tell me to squat and sit like a dog or a cat. We went to Rainbow dorm and he put the leash around a pole and asked Sparkle to untie me only after I finished all of my meat. We got a HUGE kick out of it, however once he left, I got roasted by everyone. They laughed so hard when I told them Isaiah made me act like a sheep and go “bahahaha!” He would chase me around and try to eat me. Do you know the crazy part? I was totally getting off to it.
Isaiah and I were in the Holly a couple of days ago and it was right after Hope’s Wisdom Dialogues. I decided it was time to break up with him. I felt the vibe since before we left for Makalawena so I told him as we were eating spaghetti. He seemed to take it well at first but then he came to my bunk and told me he was packing because it was “too much” for him. I decided to go on a walk with him because he seemed really in his head so we walked to the mailboxes and we began talking. He told me he felt like running away, that he needed to just run from himself and go to the ocean. I was talking a lot about God and Spirit but he seemed to not be hearing me and so I dropped it and he told me that he feels like the highest form of love is when two people merge together. I saw that as a red flag. Regardless, I let him speak what was on his mind, but then he seemed to be really triggered and getting more and more upset the more unresponsive I appeared to be. I felt like he was trying to guilt trip me the whole time. In the end, I came home and cried on the way there. Only later did I realize that I definitely had the option to walk away the whole time rather than expecting to listen to his triggers.
The next day after that was taco Tuesday, and it felt pretty difficult to ignore one another. I was in my bunk feeling icky. I ended up dragging myself out to go say hi to Hope and Urbah and then I went to the kitchen, topless, stretching my body on the pole. I wanted Isaiah to watch me. All of a sudden, I wanted nothing more than to have sex with him. However, he literally had packed up his entire hale and was heading out to Maui or Alaska. He said he had to because he was so in love with me that it would tear him up inside if he saw me walking around every day.
He said, “You’re the only girl who would make me stay… And you’re the only girl who would make me leave.”
So yeah, my hormones went crazy because I felt like I couldn’t have him now, so I wanted him bad.
The next morning, I saw him because he said he wanted to talk. We went into his hale and had an eye gazing meditation for around 30 minutes. He has always stared so deeply into my eyes. It has helped me feel more comfortable, believe it or not. Now I feel like he’s my predator and I am his prey by the way we look at one another. It’s so sexy. After that eye gazing, we became like little kids. He thanked me for reminding him just by becoming still in myself.
“I love you,” he said, “no matter which direction you choose to take.”
I began to cry because that’s genuinely all I wanted. I appeared to make a drastic choice.
Vera teased, “You guys said those three words, he proposed to you, you got married, went on your honeymoon, got divorced, he moved out! All in one week!”
And I just don’t know what I’m doing. I just didn’t feel motivated to be with him, and him saying that he loved me even through that? Wow. Felt like that was me speaking to me.
So then yesterday he came over to offer me some steak, and he fed it to me while I stared into his eyes with uncontrollable, undeniable lust. He was caught off guard and knew I wanted him bad. We locked eyes super closely, and I could feel we both wanted to kiss. Our lips brushed slowly, and we began kissing intensely. I’ve never slobbered and drooled so intensely on anyone. I don’t remember what brought it on exactly, but we were making out on the edge of my bunk and I asked him to take me to the yoga studio. He said I read his mind. He carried me on his shoulder. I could feel we were both seeking attention because he was making excuses to walk through almost every camp until we reached the studio. He dropped me onto the massage table and I began kissing him like I wanted him right then in there. It was so passionate and powerful. I felt so turned on by him. We were both sweaty and feeling an afterglow. We ran into the shower and washed each other and laughed like little kids.
Later that night, I came back for more. We made love intensely with one candle in the background and howled to the moon… God, I love doing that… just acting like a wild animal. Afterwards, I begged him to pee on me. We were going to do it right in his hale, however he wanted to see me clearly, so he put his phone on the flashlight mode, and we went into the shower. I got down on my knees and flipped to doggy style as he was peeing on me and FUCKING DANE WALKED BY in the middle of it and just watched for like 20 seconds in disbelief of what he was seeing! I could not stop laughing because I was like THAT’S the WORST person who could have walked by because I knew he would tell everyone and the next morning, I found out he did. My nickname was now “Golden Girl” ha ha. I loved it, not gonna lie. It felt good to be open with my fetish. We actually played out the same exact thing today. We had loud sex in the yoga room and I felt really turned on because I knew there were around 20 people in Middle Earth listening. Then we went in the shower and he spanked me till my ass was bright red. Then he decided to put me on a leash and walk me around all of Cinderland. We would go around and he would tell me to squat and sit like a dog or a cat. We went to Rainbow dorm and he put the leash around a pole and asked Sparkle to untie me only after I finished all of my meat. We got a HUGE kick out of it, however once he left, I got roasted by everyone. They laughed so hard when I told them Isaiah made me act like a sheep and go “bahahaha!” He would chase me around and try to eat me. Do you know the crazy part? I was totally getting off to it.