Orson came by my tent in the morning.
“I’ll be out in ten minutes,” I said, “it’s just a bit chilly for me so I’m warming up.”
“You’re cold?” he asked.
“Yeah, I’m always cold.”
“Oh, well, you should’ve come over last night to snuggle.”
There it was—my sign. I chuckled to myself and thanked my Spirit Guide.
I’m listening.
We often receive the answers we need but most of the time we are denying what we get. We often ignore the energy people are showing us while we paint a picture over them. I took the message as it was given and told him thank you for the food but that I would not be joining him on the waterfall hike.
I decided to take a couple of days off in town to figure out my plan. The guy working at the Days Inn gave me a discount but I still paid around $400 for two nights. A friend helped me out by giving me $200 to take an extra day so I could fully rest up and work on my game plan. I could tell the front desk person was into me, getting visibly nervous when I looked into his eyes but attempting to elongate the conversation with me. He nearly got in trouble for dropping the price but stalled until his boss left so I could pay. Then he gave me some chocolate and even some money to take care of my laundry.
I didn’t feel inspired to keep on this trail alone so I reached out to my community to see if anyone would be willing to fly out in the next couple of days to continue on with me or if I could join someone on their thru-hike. After the second day of being in the hotel room, I decided to stop spending energy worrying about it. I basically grew to accept that I would most likely go back out alone and I was completely okay with that. Last second, Dovile said she would pray for me. The same few minutes she prayed, a thru-hiker named Pneumonia reached out to me saying he would buy a plane ticket to come hike the Hayduke with me. I was speechless, reminded that God existed in such deep ways that I could not grasp.
He officially booked it and would be coming in a few days. I wanted to get back on trail in the meantime instead of spending more time in town. I decided to keep working on my writing and not worry about that until tomorrow.
Just before I went to bed, my Israeli lover man reached out and asked, “Should we get you another story?”
I said sure, figuring getting fucked would help ease my mind a little more. I told him where I was and he said he was on his way, almost 3 hours worth of driving. I warned him I was menstruating and he told me to get prepared because the room was about to be a bloody mess.
“Room 111,” I said, “door’s unlocked.”
He walked through the room wearing a low cut black t-shirt and went straight to kissing me. God, he was so handsome, perfectly cut body with strong veiny arms from his time spent rock climbing.
“I’m so happy you came,” I said as I grabbed the rim of his jeans.
I think he came all the way here to prove a point that he could fuck me better than he did last time. Maybe it was even to get a free place to spend the night. Couldn’t blame him, I’ve done that a number of times myself.
He fingered me, not caring in the slightest his hands were getting messy from my crimson blood. He grasped my hips, fingerprinting my skin with red hues, then laid me on the bed and splayed my legs open.
“Where can I cum today?” he asked as he slid one finger in.
“Inside of me,” I blurted.
“Good,” he groaned as he added an extra finger.
The rest of the night, he fucked me in every which way possible. By the end of it, I was so raw and sore that I was unable to move. It didn’t stop him from pulling my nearly lifeless body to fuck me even further. He came three times—all inside of me. Then he finger fucked the cum, blood and piss out of my system. There were so many fluids on the bed that it looked like some sort of massacre had occurred. By this point it was past midnight. I begged him to let me sleep and wake me up in the middle of the night to fuck me one last time before I left.
“It’s out of my system,” I breathed. “I can’t go anymore right now, but I’ll be ready again in a few hours.”
“You shouldn’t want to have sex for two weeks after the fact, then you’ll have gotten it out of your system.”
Somehow I had the energy to wake him up at 3am by masturbating on his upper thigh as I double stimulated myself by rubbing my clit with my fingers. He was rock hard again in seconds.
With his eyes still closed, he asked, “You ready?” then gave me the finger motion to mount him.
I rode his cock one last time, squirming as I leaked puddles of juices onto his tight abdomen. Figured might as well get up and get ready after I fucked him. He would’ve given me a ride but was headed the opposite direction. I hand washed the sheets with cold water attempting to get as much blood out as possible with little to no luck. Then I left a note for the cleaning ladies apologizing for the ruined sheets. I left them a tip, letting them know I had an accident and was very sorry. There’s no way it looked like an ‘accident.’ I figured they would look at the cameras later on to find a random dude coming into my room.
I had a super hard time getting a hitch in the morning. Eventually a local guy saved the day. The best part? He was a sexy farmer/cowboy. I would’ve made a move on him but I was still raw from the previous guy. I could tell he took interest in me, so I enhanced my sexual energy around him. We passed through his ranch where he pointed out all of his horses.
“I want to ride one!” I said.
“When you pass through again, you can stay in one of my cabins and I’ll take you on a ride.”
“I’ll come back on the 14th,” I said.
I realized that meant tomorrow. I was initially going to come back on the 15th however now that I met a sexy cowboy I had to make room for banging him.
He dropped me off on top of the mountain where I continued heading towards Boulder. I couldn’t get a ride for the life of me so I decided to play some tunes and dance. At first I was just tapping my foot, picking up the rhythm, but after three hours of no luck getting a ride I was thrusting the air and doing the ugly bassface.
Someone drove by and asked, “Are you okay?”
I realized how dumb or on drugs I must’ve looked to the people driving by since there was no music playing out loud. I realized I was only ruining my chances of getting a ride but at that point I didn’t care. I accepted the fact I wasn’t going to make it in time to hike that section and make it back to fuck the cowboy by tomorrow. I was thinking I might as well just hitch to Hanksville and stealth camp for a day or hitch back to Torrey where I had just come from. Just I was about to call it, someone pulled over.
“You’re still here?!” he asked.
“Yup.”
He said he could give me a lift to Boulder, but before he unlocked his car, he inquired, “Are you crazy?” wanting to double check that I wasn’t mentally unstable.
I said no. He dropped me off and I started walking the road then got picked up by an older couple who were from Belgium. The woman had a very mom energy about her, becoming severely worried about the adventure I was on.
“You do know the Hayduke is one of the world’s most difficult hikes,” she said.
“Yes, I know.”
“So why would you choose that? Is strange.”
“Well because I wanted to challenge myself.” I knew of people who did it as their first thru and were able to traverse it. People often fear-mongered their way about life and I understood this was not really a ‘trail’ to joke about, but I was one who wanted to push myself and the limits I made for myself.
She asked where I was going and I said, “The Outfitters.”
It was the strangest thing. It made zero sense as to why I even hitched out to Escalante. I didn’t even know why I chose the outfitters, I just sort of blurted it out. It was the only place I knew about in town. I just had a strong sense I had to be there even though it went against all logic.
I walked in feeling hungry and asked if there was anywhere to get a burger. They said most everything was closed since it was Sunday but that they sold world famous pizza. It was just what I happened to be craving. I wasn’t able to get any in Torrey since they didn’t do deliveries. I went to set my pack down in the dining room before I ordered. I asked one of the ladies running around if I could sit wherever but she didn’t hear me.
A girl who was sitting to the side of me overheard and said, “Yeah, you could sit wherever you want.”
“Thanks,” I said as I set my pack down.
She looked at one of my patches. “Did you hike the TA?”
“Yeah. You know what that is?!”
“Yeah!”
She was in the middle of work but said she really wanted to talk to me. Her name was Jemma and she had a very enticing smile. I invited her to come sit with me whenever she finished up as I felt very open to her energy. I ordered my pizza and ate half of it. Jemma caught me eye-fucking some dude as he walked by and laughed her ass off so loud that the entire dining room turned around to look. She packed up her stuff and sat at my table.
“So, tell me about yourself,” she said.
“Why don’t you ask me what you want to know about me, that would make it easier.”
It all felt so natural with her, as if I was catching up with an old friend. We ate pizza and shared conversations about what we were up to. She was a mental health therapist and was traveling around solo, living in her car and camping on BLM land. We spoke a lot about our exes, which was surprisingly fun.
“What’s your plan for the rest of the day?” she asked.
“I don’t have anything in mind,” I said, “was just going to look for a place to stealth camp when it got dark.” I told her there wasn’t really a reason I had to come to Escalante today, just kind of happened.
“Me, too,” she said, “I wasn’t even supposed to be here.”
“I mean I was going to go hike the Escalante River section,” I said, “but since I didn’t get a hitch for several hours, I just accepted the fact I wasn’t going to do it.” I didn’t care too much because Pneumonia was coming to help hike the section I skipped.
Somewhere during the conversation I started to feel attracted to Jemma. The way her lips were shaped along with her curvy body and how perfectly proportional it was sent me into a frenzy. Most of all, I enjoyed the way her skin flushed when the heat picked up in the room. I wasn’t used to feeling attracted to women nor did I suspect she could be into me so I diverted the sexual topics around past lovers.
After several hours of sharing conversation, we went to her cabin and hung out on her porch.
I looked at the road and said, “I don’t know what I want to do. I can either stealth camp or head back up the mountain. I’ll decide what I want to do within the next half an hour.”
“Are you stalling so that you’ll be invited to spend the night with me?” she asked.
I mean, I didn’t feel like I needed to. I just really enjoyed spending time with her and didn’t want to hitch out anytime soon. I also couldn’t tell if she was into me or not and didn’t want to make assumptions.
“No, no,” I said, “You should enjoy the space to yourself. You know, take the whole bed to starfish out.”
She started to feel nervous and I asked her what was going on.
She sighed. “Once people find out I’m into women, some people start to feel uncomfortable. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable or think that I’m hitting on you.”
“Well, I do find you attractive,” I blurted.
And that’s when the energy shifted.
“I mean, I find you attractive, too,” she said, “and I would love for you to spend the night.”
“Well, I don’t want you to feel like I’m intruding,” I said.
“No no, I genuinely want you to spend the night,” she said, “I just haven’t had an experience like this in 10 years. I was in a relationship for eight years and am not used to just having strangers over. I just started living the way that you do.”
It made sense she felt a little uncomfortable especially after hearing her perspective. I was very used to spending nights with strangers and vice versa. It was normal to me but for someone else it was completely out of their element.
I decided to be really straight forward with her and not bullshit around. “I’m going to be honest,” I said, “although I’m attracted to you, I am completely clueless when it comes to women. I don’t know how to flirt with them or read them—“
“You don’t know how to read women when they’re into you?” she asked as she twirled her hair and tilted her head.
I blushed and laughed to myself.
“I really do want you to stay,” she repeated.
“And I really want to stay as well.”
She invited me in and we laid on the bed. She felt so comfortable in my presence while I felt as if I was about to lose my virginity. She laid next to me and looked into my eyes. I had a hard time holding my gaze with hers. We attempted small talk but she could see behind my smile that I was very nervous.
“What’s going on?” she asked.
“I’m just very nervous.”
“Tell me what you need.”
“I need to go really slow and I need to be talked through the experience,” I said.
So funny how the Universe just did a complete 180 on me. I was just guiding Vegas on how to have sex with a woman and here I was, about to be guided through the same thing. I never thought I would need to be taught how to maneuver around a woman’s body when I had one myself. The irony of it all.
“Women freak me out,” I said, “They’re all so different and complicated. I can see why men feel so intimidated. In all of my experiences, I was the one being touched, so doing the touching is very new to me.” I completely froze. “It’s so easy with guys,” I said. “I just know what to do, and I feel confident.”
“Well, what would you do if you were with a guy right now?” she asked.
I smiled. “Well… I would kiss them.” I blushed as I looked at her lips then up to the ceiling.
I basically let on that I needed her to make the first move. She picked up on it and leaned in to kiss me. Her lips were soft in comparison to the rugged men I was used to. Her scent reminded me of Northern California and the flora to be found in that region. Everything about her was delicious and my body reacted to her.
Our movements became natural. I began grinding on her as she pressed her thigh against my pussy. Her moans and tone were high-pitched and heavenly.
“Tell me what you need,” she whispered.
“Dominance,” I said. It helped take me out of my thoughts and directly into the moment. When I was being controlled and told what to do, my mind would go still and I would relax.
She mounted me as our legs were scissored, making it easy for us to grind on each other deeper. She removed her top and then her black bra. My eyes widened. Her tits were so big that they could suffocate me. I didn’t know what to do exactly but figured squishing them in appreciation would please her as much as it did me.
I sucked on her nipples.
“Harder,” she whispered.
Her nipples grew erect in my mouth as I pinched them teasingly with my teeth. She moaned, expressing how badly she wanted to eat me out but was going to save that for a different day since I was on the heaviest day of my moon. She still wanted to please me but in order to avoid getting blood on the sheets, she grabbed her sports blanket then we spread it out over the bed. She got me into position and began to finger me. I wasn’t used to such tiny hands pleasuring me but it was just the perfect amount, and it was clear she knew how to handle a pussy. She found my clit effortlessly, then hit my g-spot making me squirt as I formed a puddle all over the blanket.
Then, she got into position, ready to be received. One of the things that attracted me most about her was that she didn’t shave anything. When I saw her armpits and legs, I smiled.
“I love that you don’t shave,” I said, “it’s rare to meet other girls who don’t.”
“Uh, have you ever been with a lesbian?”
Apparently it was very normal in that world. They didn’t really give a shit if you shaved or didn’t. She appeared a bit self conscious around men, even canceling on a potential casual partnership because she didn’t want to shave for him. I reassured her that I never had an issue with it, nor would I ever do that for a man and neither should she.
“They’re attracted to your confidence, not how your body looks,” I said.
She spread her legs open slightly and I could feel the heat emanating from in between her thighs. I knew the moment was coming and she could feel the nervousness getting the best of me. I rested my head on her breast, kissing her gently. I wanted desperately to please her but I didn’t want to come off as a newb.
I gently grazed my fingers along her inner thighs. She guided me to the slit of her pussy. I could feel her fire. I closed my eyes as I envisioned how I would play with myself. Slowly, I slid my middle finger into her slit as I started forming small circles. She was drenched in warm, creamy juices.
“Move lower,” she whispered.
I found her clit and she shivered beneath me.
“Mm,” she moaned, “press harder.”
I was scared to put my fingers all the way into her opening, but she reassured me it would feel good. I felt as if I was entering a warm portal into an unknown universe by being given a special key to the opening.
And then I started laughing because I thought of Vegas and how he yelled, “Oh my God! It feels like a mouth!” I was about to say the same thing, but stopped myself. Just like him, I was also about to say, “I feel like this would hurt!” I have a vagina, but I don’t finger myself so I have no idea what it’s like. I have other people do that for me and it feels amazing, but doing it to myself feels too intimidating.
I continued to make circles around her clit, envisioning how men did it to me. I felt her legs spread wider as she thrusted her hips into the air, egging me on to go deeper.
“I’m gonna cum,” she moaned.
She shuddered at my touch as the waves of bliss passed through her body. Clenching, she pinned my hand tightly between her legs as the sensitivity leveled out. It felt grateful I got to experience the luxury of having a woman feel vulnerable enough to orgasm in my hands. I thanked her for the experience.
After the fact, she held me and whispered such kind and loving words that I haven’t heard spoken about myself in what felt like lifetimes. I’m used to either running away or being very distant after I have sex. It was a way of guarding my heart before men would do it first. With Jemma, I didn’t feel I needed to be that way. I didn’t feel like playing games. It was easy to let her know I was scared and how I just wanted to be loved. She, herself, expressed her perspective of what it meant to love someone and be kind to oneself, to not accept breadcrumbs. I didn’t feel embarrassed expressing my vulnerabilities with her. I shared things that I didn’t share with men because I could tell they didn’t listen, nor did they really care. And that was okay. I didn’t have an issue staying quiet, I just didn’t give them the whole thing. With Jemma, she was an experience I would never forget. For her, I gave her my heart and honesty. She gave me that gift as well. It would forever leave an imprint on me.