I seem to have gotten upset with Isaiah yesterday because he said he would take me to the other side of Maui and that we would explore and cruise around the island and walk 10+ miles each day. The first couple of days were like that and the next two days that followed were the opposite where we were stuck at home. I had a lot of resentment because he decided to help his sister watch her kid over showing me around.
I almost felt crazy when he said, “I prioritize my family.”
I felt off and thought to myself, Am I the only one that doesn’t put my family first?
Regardless, I was holding onto his word because I noticed I trusted that we would go adventuring as we had planned. I asked his mom if she could please take me hiking and drop me off in the forest somewhere and she did! I hiked over 7 miles in silence and listened to a little bit of Wisdom Dialogues towards the end. I touched the trees and caressed their needles. I looked up to them so much—metaphorically and literally.
When I made it home, I asked Isaiah if he could take me on another adventure, and he did… reluctantly. He took me to see a couple of trees. We seem to be on different wavelengths. Oh, how I desire to cruise with Zion on the road again, what would make it even more ideal would be to take sex off the table or to not feel any expectations for it. It would be super dope if he would be into that.
On a side note, I’ve been getting along great with Isaiah’s mom. We’ve been vibin’ with Christian music. She said I reminded her a lot of herself and that she liked me way more than Tacy. That appeared to give me a big ego boost.
I also seem to feel much more comfortable in my own skin. His mom was talking to me and I was laying on the carpet in whatever position felt comfortable to me. Hairy legs and armpits exposed, I felt really happy and childlike. I feel so at home whenever I remember there’s nothing I need to do and know I can just be me in each rising moment.
~rose by the river~
My toes, sensitive to the cold morning mist
Pebbles near the river, draw me Close
Gently I ask them can I left you with my warm fingertips?
Please they beg let us experience flying!
I throw them toward the stars, one by one… staying mindful of their catch.
Across the river, I see something speckling in my perception.
The sun speeding its rise as it warms the red… rose!
Petals, gently opening,
Trusting the process of what is received when open.
