I made a sign for our dorm titled “BDSM Friendly” as I’m listening to my favorite Christian songs and my friends are high on weed. Daily reminder to have fun with the apparent things you find yourself doing!
Crazy how much happens in one week of Cinderland. Yesterday night I spent the night at Kerry’s in Kalapana and apparently some stuff happened. He gave me a three hour massage and then he began kissing me. He asked if it was too much and I said yes, it’s too much and then he kept doing it throughout the massage. I felt this energy play going on like damn, this massage feels so good AND it’s free! And I wanted to absorb it as much as possible, so it almost felt like I was just accepting it, yet trying to set my boundaries. He kissed my nipples, unknowingly to me what he was doing, and I got triggered, but played it off nicely. Then, as we were headed to bed, I told him I didn’t want to cuddle and he seemed to respect that, up until I woke up to him fingering me. Later I woke up to him playing with my breasts and moaning. Momentarily, I felt fear creep up, yet it was so weird because a part of me liked it, as if I was about to be taken advantage of in a place that was far away from town at the end of a lava road I wasn’t really familiar with. Something about that risky feeling helped me relax. I was torn between what I was feeling. I felt he was totally stepping over my boundaries, yet another part of me was like Ay, potential SugarDaddy?
Anyways, in the end, I found myself laughing. I told Vera and Isaiah and they both freaked out on me, saying that he needed to be punished. They even wanted to give me a therapy talk/intervention because they couldn’t understand how I could find the situation funny. Even when Isaiah was attempting to guilt trip me, I had to physically hold back from laughing out loud. I’ve experienced these molesting situations so many times that it didn’t seem motivating to victimize or make it into something. I know it’ll be coming back around to show me I can be more assertive next time. Hope also helped me laugh about it some more.
Rainbow dorm and I plan on going to Europe for five months. We’re all going to be sugar babies and Louis is going to be our pimp!
