I feel I am so in love with Isaiah. I feel myself getting so high to the point where I feel woozy, head over heels feeling, and when I feel myself feeling blinded, I feel motivated to go to God.
There was a couple of days after he asked me to be his wife where I began making him into an idol. I saw how I had an urge to control him, satisfy him, impress him, etc. I found myself getting distracted by him, and I even became more comfortable making love with him again. It was just so magical this time around. I actually found myself getting wet around him now, whereas before, the past weeks—dry, dry dry.
And it feels like I’m opening up to a new relationship and I’m kissing someone new when just recently I thought it was going to be absolutely impossible for me to relate with anyone ever again. Here I am, experiencing love with a man again. I can see more clearly this time around. Anytime I feel like projecting, I go within now… not every time, but I’m learning as the moons come and go. I even found myself getting upset about not seeing him much because he works from morning to night, whereas I was stoked about that before. But I quickly realized that that is so awesome. I can be with my friends, paint and meditate in the meantime!
Isaiah, I’ve known you for what seems like lifetimes… however, our paths have crossed many times in this one and I can see how it was the perfect time to align with one another. I am only beginning to let my walls down entering a new relationship, however with you I am inspired to grow closer with God rather than turning you into an idol. My motivations feel much different from what they used to be and seem to be more motivated towards Spirit instead of ego.
I love watching how you work with the aina and play in the mud all day. It reminds me of how much gratitude I feel for nature, myself. It reminds me of how much I love to dance in front of a fire, sing while I walk on the lava, dig my toes into the sand. I love how simple it is with you… howling to the moon after we make love, laughing our hearts out, gazing endlessly into each other’s eyes next to the fire you built. A humble, medicine man. Thank you, for letting me love you up as much as I can and for blessing me with your kindness. I am so excited to cruise to the other side of the island and camp with you under the stars… my sweet, sexy jungle man.
I can’t say I ever really understood why it came up in my perception that women were required to shave, otherwise you would appear less lady-like. I love to look at it simply: what’s meant to be there, will be there. Most of the time, I don’t find myself shaving because I feel a lot more confident and connected to my inner child. It’s also just not fun for me. Other times, I find it fun to shave every day. I’ve come to the conclusion that it does NOT matter! I also feel a lot of gratitude for any lovers that I had who were actually more stoked when I didn’t shave than when I did. So much gratitude to those men for reminding me that I am truly loved in whatever form I appear to arise. And thank you for those who appear in my field of experience who offer me judgment of any kind… it shows me where I can choose again and forgive myself for what’s coming out of my own mind. I love you.
