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April 11, 2020:
An enormous amount of relief arises within me when I recognize I am not capable of doing anything. Consciousness has the space to flow through me without resistance.
I hear myself tell people, “I haven’t drank any alcohol in almost two years,” and, ”I’ve been celibate for several months.”
I laugh when people say, “Wow! You’re so STRONG! I should do that and then I’ll be more stable.”
Ha ha! All it is is a story. Am I going to take this story seriously or have fun with it?! I seem to feel a lot more connected with Spirit Guidance when I just follow what motivates me and watch where I’m being led without trying to intrude. I find I am happier and more at peace when I ask God to show me a new perspective when I seem to be taking something in this world seriously, trying to ‘figure it out’ through my limited perspective.
Not having sex right now seems motivating, whereas once it felt like an addiction. Same goes for not drinking. It’s not some sort of ritual where I feel like I’m ‘abstaining’ from something, instead, I simply ask myself what my intention is. It’s funny what thoughts come up.
I should sleep with them because they won’t like me if I’m not putting out.
I curiously ask myself, Am I trying to avoid some sort of feeling by using something or someone as an idol?
Am I distracting myself by using this person or thing to attempt to substitute the Love and Reality God has for me?
Or, am I going to make the choice to extend love in this moment?
Mmm… grateful for laughter and smiles. It really is simple to embody ‘going with the flow’ when you don’t take thoughts about how you ‘should’ be seriously!