Ivan has been really helpful in reminding me that we have a choice. We can either drop our frequencies and wallow in sadness or we can LOVE! The choice is always ours. I’ve also been learning that we are never the victims of our reality. We need to own up to what we are creating. We need to own up to our feelings instead of victimizing and blaming. When I say, ‘poor me, unfair things happened to me,’ what I really mean is, ‘I’m addicted to receiving sympathy, therefore, I am creating situations constantly to receive sympathy.’ I didn’t realize how this also makes one completely oblivious to their own power. When you claim those things ‘happen’ to you, you are giving away your power of understanding that you are a CREATOR.
I spent some time with Sophia yesterday. We rode our bikes to Champaign Ponds. I was swimming naked and as I was getting out of the water, this older man covered his eyes with his towel and said, “Let me know when you get your towel.”
Sophia said, “Wow, what a gentleman.”
“Well,” he said, “sometimes you gotta do the right thing. There’s only one woman I want to see naked. I don’t want to see her naked. (talking about me)”
My first reaction was to get offended, my ego kind of collapsed. But then my perspective quickly shifted. I thought it was beautiful, and I appreciated his respect.
I plan on going to Honolulu to pursue stripping. I don’t understand myself because this is going against my true nature so much and I’m ignoring that it does because I still am going to go through with it as if I need to prove something that doesn’t even matter.
I just got picked up hitchhiking and the driver asked me if I wanted to get away somewhere private to have a good time. I told him I was flattered, but no. Then he asked if I would be any different if he gave me money. Once again, an attractive guy asking me to do stuff for money. Interesting.