October 5, 2016:
I had a lot of releasing to do this week. I got caught up in my emotions because I haven’t seen Ivan in a while and I was expecting him to show up on Taco Tuesday yesterday. I noticed I was choosing ego over God because I was upset that Ivan didn’t text me back or call me. I sat with what I was feeling and in the middle of the night I woke up and let it go. It was so easy when I logically observed what I was upset about. I was upset because I wanted attention and also I wanted to inflate my ego by telling him about all of the adventures I went on while he was away. I’m really glad he never showed up last night because I needed to let go of my stories. It’s amazing what happens when I look at the big picture.
On a side note, something extraordinary happened yesterday. I called my mom and thanked her for the care package she sent me. She started talking about the old house and told me that I could have it all to myself if I just take care of it. I experienced a sort of shock. I got goosebumps, my heart started pumping and I began to cry.
“Mom, are you being serious?” I asked, “because you have no idea how much this means to me.”
I could feel the happiness in her voice as she said, “Yes, I’m for real. If you don’t want to live with us, I understand. The house is yours. I’ll help you repaint and remodel it!”
“But I thought you guys were going to give it away to Paulius?” I asked.
“No,” she said, “he didn’t even want it.”
THAT is the Universe in action right there. As soon as I let it go and genuinely stopped wanting it, it was just handed to me.
Over time, I learned that it’s not the house itself that I was attached to, it was the memories. I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, but I realize that if I move in, it won’t ever be the same. My family won’t be there. My friends across the street won’t be there. And then I thought about the house itself. It is way too big. The bunk I live in now is the perfect size and I am grateful to be living outside rather than being trapped between some walls. AND I learned that home is where your heart is not the actual place/location.
I’ve been becoming more and more silent. More and more and more.
The ego fades, fades, fades.
Man, am I grateful.
Forgive, forgive, forgive.
In love with the process.
There’s nothing I need, no one I need to be.
I had a lot of releasing to do this week. I got caught up in my emotions because I haven’t seen Ivan in a while and I was expecting him to show up on Taco Tuesday yesterday. I noticed I was choosing ego over God because I was upset that Ivan didn’t text me back or call me. I sat with what I was feeling and in the middle of the night I woke up and let it go. It was so easy when I logically observed what I was upset about. I was upset because I wanted attention and also I wanted to inflate my ego by telling him about all of the adventures I went on while he was away. I’m really glad he never showed up last night because I needed to let go of my stories. It’s amazing what happens when I look at the big picture.
On a side note, something extraordinary happened yesterday. I called my mom and thanked her for the care package she sent me. She started talking about the old house and told me that I could have it all to myself if I just take care of it. I experienced a sort of shock. I got goosebumps, my heart started pumping and I began to cry.
“Mom, are you being serious?” I asked, “because you have no idea how much this means to me.”
I could feel the happiness in her voice as she said, “Yes, I’m for real. If you don’t want to live with us, I understand. The house is yours. I’ll help you repaint and remodel it!”
“But I thought you guys were going to give it away to Paulius?” I asked.
“No,” she said, “he didn’t even want it.”
THAT is the Universe in action right there. As soon as I let it go and genuinely stopped wanting it, it was just handed to me.
Over time, I learned that it’s not the house itself that I was attached to, it was the memories. I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, but I realize that if I move in, it won’t ever be the same. My family won’t be there. My friends across the street won’t be there. And then I thought about the house itself. It is way too big. The bunk I live in now is the perfect size and I am grateful to be living outside rather than being trapped between some walls. AND I learned that home is where your heart is not the actual place/location.
I’ve been becoming more and more silent. More and more and more.
The ego fades, fades, fades.
Man, am I grateful.
Forgive, forgive, forgive.
In love with the process.
There’s nothing I need, no one I need to be.