July 19, 2016:
I got a ride on the motorcycle all the way to the café and that same guy said he would give me a drive all the way back. He was so nice that he said he would take me on the scenic route. Instead of turning left at the Y, he kept going straight. It was so beautiful and I was so grateful that I started tearing up just for getting the opportunity to witness such beauty.
When I got back to Cinderland, Olivija said she wanted to talk. She basically told me I was in “la la land” because I took solitude time and that I didn’t spend enough time with people at Cinderland. She said she was putting expectations on me for being somewhere and got upset that I kept turning my phone off and didn’t check in with her. She said that people at Cinderland agreed with her that I was just in my own world. People apparently said I was so free spirited that no one could rely on me. I communicated that I needed my alone time to gather myself and feel sane.
Eventually, Ivan came and Olivija left. I asked Ivan if we could just lay together for a bit. I began to cry and told him how I didn’t mean to hurt her and that I was just trying to ground myself, but I kept getting reminded that my head was in the clouds. I knew that and I was trying to ground myself and that was the best way for me to do that was by taking time for myself. Was it that weird that I didn’t want to socialize? I truly wanted to be by myself. I felt guilty that I didn’t want to be with my friends, but at the same time I didn’t want to feel forced into hanging out with people. Oh, I just need to take a breath. I have to accept that I can’t change what someone thinks and that it would be a waste of my own energy trying.
I got a ride on the motorcycle all the way to the café and that same guy said he would give me a drive all the way back. He was so nice that he said he would take me on the scenic route. Instead of turning left at the Y, he kept going straight. It was so beautiful and I was so grateful that I started tearing up just for getting the opportunity to witness such beauty.
When I got back to Cinderland, Olivija said she wanted to talk. She basically told me I was in “la la land” because I took solitude time and that I didn’t spend enough time with people at Cinderland. She said she was putting expectations on me for being somewhere and got upset that I kept turning my phone off and didn’t check in with her. She said that people at Cinderland agreed with her that I was just in my own world. People apparently said I was so free spirited that no one could rely on me. I communicated that I needed my alone time to gather myself and feel sane.
Eventually, Ivan came and Olivija left. I asked Ivan if we could just lay together for a bit. I began to cry and told him how I didn’t mean to hurt her and that I was just trying to ground myself, but I kept getting reminded that my head was in the clouds. I knew that and I was trying to ground myself and that was the best way for me to do that was by taking time for myself. Was it that weird that I didn’t want to socialize? I truly wanted to be by myself. I felt guilty that I didn’t want to be with my friends, but at the same time I didn’t want to feel forced into hanging out with people. Oh, I just need to take a breath. I have to accept that I can’t change what someone thinks and that it would be a waste of my own energy trying.